


Your New Anthems That You Breathe

by heretherebefics



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: but swings towards fluffy endings, starts off a bit angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-04
Updated: 2015-10-04
Packaged: 2018-04-24 19:50:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4933036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heretherebefics/pseuds/heretherebefics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>River sighed as she knelt down by the console, flipping several levers, pressing buttons and doing some minor, but necessary rewiring. The TARDIS guided her through some of the work, while she knew others, or figured them out through trial and error.</p><p>“Okay, old girl, he’ll be back soon, so let’s wrap this up,” she said softly.</p><p>She stood, flipped a small switch hidden under the console and began to talk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Your New Anthems That You Breathe

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from the song Answering Machine by Matt Nathanson

River sighed as she knelt down by the console, flipping several levers, pressing buttons and doing some minor, but necessary rewiring. The TARDIS guided her through some of the work, while she knew others, or figured them out through trial and error.

“Okay, old girl, he’ll be back soon, so let’s wrap this up,” she said softly.

She stood, flipped a small switch hidden under the console and began to talk.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

He sat, still shocked to finally talk to her, finally be able to acknowledge she was there. “How could you ever doubt that?” he whispered. “How would I ever not see River Song?”

He sighed, wishing they could have said more in what he thought would likely be their last meeting.

“Automated message activated,” came a calm voice from the console.

He turned and there she was. Standing in his TARDIS, looking at him.

“No need to check diaries I guess,” she said with a slight smile. “I don’t know when this will be for me, or for you.”

He’d seen the familiar dress often enough that he didn’t know when it might have been, when she had found the time alone.

“If you’re seeing this, the TARDIS knows I’m gone, probably for good.” River laughed and shook her head. “God, it’s strange to say that. I didn’t want to leave you a letter. You might find that at the wrong time and do something stupid, like try to change it, whatever it was, somehow. I don’t know if you could have, but I’m sure you shouldn’t have. I’m sure whatever happened, if you were there, I requested the same. I hope you knew me, even a little, then.  Unfortunately, firsts and lasts were never our best point, and I can’t hope it was any better so I wanted a right me to find a right you.”

He watched her pace a little, glance towards what he assumed was the door. She was probably watching for him. He wondered if she had ever started before, left off in the middle because he was nearly there.

“No, I haven’t started before,” River said with a smile. “I know you’ll be wondering, and no. I hope it’s the last as well.”

“I’m sure you wonder why now. I had to be sure you would get it at the right time. I set the protocol to deliver the message when you say my name and truly believed I’m gone, and when the TARDIS no longer detected me in the universe,” she said, pausing before chuckling. “I’m stalling.”

“I don’t know what to say. I don’t know when we are or what’s spoilers,” she said quietly. “But I needed you to know that I don’t want the ghost of me to haunt you. You are loved and you loved in return and that is all either of us could ever ask for isn’t it? We both have, had, forevers but they were never going to be together, forever and always. One of us was always going to outlast the other and I’ve always suspected it would be you.”

He wanted to argue, say it shouldn’t have been that way, that they could have had forever, that there could have been an always in the TARDIS, like any married couple, but he knows it’s a lie and knows she would tell him so if it was her standing here so he doesn’t dishonor her by letting it fall off his tongue.

She sighed and looked up, touches her temples. “I don’t know what to tell you, my love. There’s so much and I doubt we’ll ever get it all out. I’m sure one of us will always have one last thing we wish we said.”

She met his eyes and he wasn’t sure if she just knew, or if the TARDIS was making sure it worked. She gave him a soft smile. He had seen the look often, when they were alone. He wasn’t sure if she knew he was watching most of the time. “I forgive you. I do. You are always and completely forgiven. I know you don’t forgive yourself for what happened, but you really couldn’t change it. I wouldn’t want you to. Can you imagine if little baby Melody Pond had went home and regenerated? I was always going to be a child of the TARDIS. It was never going to work out any other way.”

She rubbed the console and he wondered if it was true. It might have been, but he couldn’t know. But she seemed so sure, and he thought she might be the expert there.

“I wouldn’t change a thing I’ve done,” she said. “I guess I would change our back to frontness, but not if it changed anything else, and I’m afraid it would have. You are my husband, and I love you always. Don’t travel alone, please. Don’t linger on bad memories, and don’t drown in your guilt; you have so many and so much of both. Don’t let it swamp you, keep you away from a child in need.”

 “I’ll always be with you, in some way,” she said. “Who knows, I might turn up again. There’s no way to know really, but I don’t think it’ll be the same, do you? If you’re seeing this, what can be left?” She shook her head sadly and looked towards the door again.

She looked wistful for a moment, slumping slightly before straightening. “This message will be replayable one time. I love a tomb, but I don’t want you to linger on this as though it’s mine. Goodbye my love.”

She blew him a kiss, gave him a sweet smile and a wink, and then she was gone.

He watched as the image dissolved, leaving him alone once again.

He swallowed hard and pressed his hands to his eyes, pulling them away damp. He began to bound up the stairs, going anywhere but there, where he couldn’t answer her, couldn’t give her his love. Couldn’t argue that he did still have hope she would be back.

He had wrapped the lie around him as he returned Jenny, Vastra and Strax to Victorian London and Clara on a brief trip before dropping her home too.

Pausing at the top of the stairs, he considered using the replay now, so he could hear her voice before hiding away somewhere in the TARDIS. “She would hate that,” he murmured, knowing that was exactly what she didn’t want.

“Aren’t you even going to tell me I’m clever?” came a voice from behind him. He whirled around, and there she was, dressed in a deep blue blouse nipped in by its corset and brown leather trousers tucked into high riding boots of a deeper brown.

In a flash he was beside her, roughly grabbing her arms. She could tell he was shaking and his face was lined with rage. “Who the hell are you?” he said coldly.

She sighed and listened to the hum of the TARDIS. “I see I don’t have the best timing, but it makes sense.” She inclined her head and smiled at him. “Professor River Song, as always. Well, only Doctor Song by now I imagine.”

“River Song is dead. She just told me so,” he said bitterly.

River winced as his fingers bit into her skin. She was sure there would be some bruising later, but she HAD just told him she was likely gone for good. She wondered vaguely what had triggered his loss of faith. “The conditions were met. I was temporarily not in the universe and was indeed dead. Now I’m in the universe and alive,” she said calmly.

He tugged her to a seat and pushed her into it, sonicing the arms to release restraints. “That’s not possible. I said goodbye to my wife and got her message. You can’t be her,” he said tersely.

“Then who am I?” she asked. “Run a scan, sonic me. Either will reflect human plus. Or listen to the Old Girl. Do you think she would let a fake River on board? What’s the use of you calling me a child of the TARDIS if you think she’ll accept any old River?”

“Play it again,” he said angrily. The TARDIS made a displeased noise and ran the protocol again. “See! You are gone!”

River held the sigh and tried to be understanding. He was clearly upset, and the message hadn’t helped, but she was sitting here, in the TARDIS, a foot from him and he was being too dense to accept it. “If you won’t, I will. Full body scan, console room occupants.”

The screen behind him split in two, bands moving over the outlines of a pair of bodies. His pinged back first, identifying the subject as the Doctor, showing two hearts, rates elevated. Hers pinged back after another moment, also reflecting two hearts, and identifying her as both Melody Pond and River Song.

“See, I’m me,” she said with a smile.

“Scan again, female occupant only,” he said, turning away from her.

The screen went blank before reflecting only one body, bands moving rhythmically over it. She closed her eyes, waiting for the scan to complete. To her surprise, the scan didn’t finish as soon as it had before. She heard the whir of his sonic, passing close by her. She also heard him rapidly tapping keys, she assumed launching more in-depth scans.

She opened her eyes again, sighing. “How many tests to you need to know I’m me? Know a lot of women named River Song with two hearts?”

He glared at her, remembering a different look to the console and trying to sort out different jealous Rivers. He said nothing, only clenched his jaw and keyed away, ordering nearly every test the TARDIS could perform before stepping away to study her again. Before he might have believed this was River, but they had said their goodbyes. She had to be gone, this had to be Flesh or Nestene, some body doubt.

The whole series of tests flashed back, results for all of them. He glanced at the summary, but it all seemed right. Most tests flashed up, but he stepped away from the screen, looking more closely at her.

For a moment he didn’t care what she was. He ran his fingers through her hair and watched as her eyes drifted closed at the touch. He gave her a gentle kiss, stared into her eyes. He cleared his throat and asked the TARDIS to read the conclusion. “Who?”

“Occupant is River Song,” came an automated voice. A ream of paper began to wind out of the console, yards and yards of individual test results, which could take hours to conclude.

He stared at her another moment before releasing the restrains. “How?”

She laughed and kissed him hard. “Now you wonder,” she chided.

River stood and stretched, walking around the console, touching the new panels. “It wasn’t easy, and I honestly can’t say I remember most of it. Like I said, I died. Had to stop the hearts to get out, lost some time,” she said tapping the side of her head. “Charlotte did something terribly clever I believe.”

“So, you’re….” he said in disbelief.

“Yes,” she breathed. “Have you done Trenzalore?”

He laughed and pulled her to him, kissing her and running his hands over her. “I guess you did wait up.”

“Damn right I did,” she said with a grin.

“And this?” he said, gesturing to her clothes.

“I don’t plan on wearing white any time soon,” she said, making a face.

He grabbed her, picking her up and guiding her legs around his waist, spinning with her, kissing her until they were both breathless. He stared at her face, lightly tracing the line of her nose before tapping the end lightly.

He sat her back down slowly, his face losing some of the joy. “Have you done Manhattan,” he asked, so softly she almost didn’t hear him.

She nodded, giving him a sad smile. “I don’t plan on wearing black either.” She brushed a hand over his bowtie. “New?”

He fidgeted with it, tugging it into worse shape than it started in. “Hasn’t felt right to wear the others,” he said with a shrug.

River stretched up to kiss him and nodded before smoothing his jacket and adjusting the tie. “Let’s go rest. I’ve missed our bed,” she said with the smirk he had missed so much.

“How about the bed mate?” he said, lifting her up to carry her there.

“Not nearly as much as the pillows,” she said with a laugh.

He made a face and carried her off, happy to have his wife back.

When they were practically miles away, tangled in sheets, one final test he hadn’t realized he even queried pinged to life on the readout. A warm pink glow tinted the abdomen of the body for a moment with a flashing positive before the screen flashed ‘Tests Complete’ and the TARDIS filed the results away into the archives.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

They found out weeks later when he did a full body scan because River wasn’t feeling well. He was elated. She was equal measures shocked, thrilled and saddened; she was both shocked and thrilled that they would have a child, but saddened that she would never see her father crouching down to play with a grandbaby or her mother swing a child with wild hair up onto her hip.

Then she smiled at the idea of the Doctor, any Doctor, holding a baby and looking at her over their child’s head, of him smelling like baby, of him chattering away with a miniature him or her swearing up and down that he could speak baby. Besides, she would be damned if her little brother wasn’t going to meet her and if her mother and father weren’t going to meet their grandchild.


End file.
